Today I was walking in the hall with Olivia when she asked me a question: What would your last year self think of your this year self? And that raised some questions.
Would I be proud of myself? Ashamed? Overjoyed? Upset? Confused? In an attempt to clean my thoughts, I've decided to compare us. (I'm sorry this is going to become another check in post I'm really conceited and love talking about myself)
In some ways I think I'd be really proud of myself. I've figured a lot of stuff out that I just couldn't seem to understand or get quite right. Sure I've figured out how to find slope and systems of equations (honestly what was my problem with those last year?) but I've also figured out a lot about myself. I'd also be super proud of the way I dress. Last year me dreamed of being the cool girl with the pixie cut who wore band tee shirts and flannels. I think I'd love who I'm becoming; for one, I'm starting to do theatre and show choir, two things I've wanted to do since I was little. I've gone to concerts, met new people, made new friends, developed relationships, fallen in love -- all things I would have dreamed of last year.
But on the other hand, I've stopped talking to old friends, ended relationships, let my mental health decline, and stopped writing almost entirely. It's not that I don't want to quit these things -- I love writing and I love my friends, it's that I'm finding my priorities lying in much different places. There's nothing wrong with the fact I place talking to my friends and boyfriend higher than writing, or the fact I prefer Netflix to putting the effort into skyping old friends, it's just a difference in priorities from last year. If you had told last year's me that she would skip talking to a certain person to watch New Girl on Netflix she would probably glare at you and say you're a bad person (and I've come to terms with that.) If you had told her that she'd stop writing Selected, move on to another (much cooler) story and then stop writing nearly entirely she'd be very upset. If you told her she'd abandon her blog for weeks on end she'd probably believe you tbh we do have the same blogging habits.
This year has had so many ups and downs already and I know there's a billion more to come. I'm really proud of myself for over coming what I have (even if I am a bit bitter -- okay very bitter -- about a few topics).
that's all for right now,
Hugs and Virtual Cookies,